Where does anger come from?

As the adage goes, depression is anger turned inward. Where does this anger come from? It probably begins with birth, when you are taken from a warm, dark space and emerge into a cold hospital room. There are any number of experiences that can produce anger, and once absorbed, it turns into depression. There is also the role of neurochemicals such as serotonin and norepinephrine. Lower levels make you susceptible to anger and depression.

One prime example of anger in literature is the Count of Monte Cristo in the title of the same name. Edmond Dantes, before he became a count, is wrongfully accused by four persons, and he winds up in a dank prison for fourteen years, but makes a remarkable escape. Angry at his accusers, he turns his rage toward revenge, which he accomplishes in slow stages. But little things can make you angry, such as the bad behavior of other drivers on the road or simply being brushed against in a crowd. Constant anger is a sign of mental illness and drives itself into depression.

After a tumultuous six years with my first wife, during which I behaved very badly, primarily through arguing over trivial matters, we went to counseling. I had yet to be diagnosed, which would occur shortly when I melted down in 1995. As part of the counseling, I was given several diagnostic instruments. The counselor said that my anger level was off the charts. Not long after, a day after I quit a lucrative job, the years of anger and depression caught up with me, having evolved into pure psychosis. I was confused, only wanting to die, and helpless. Fortunately, I was hospitalized, and after more tests, I was finally diagnosed and treated. 

I really began to suffer in 1992, while a student at Auburn University, my anger and depression catching up with me. At a gas station, after waiting in line for about ten minutes, another car pulled in from the other direction, breaking in line. I went ballistic, jumping from my truck, and at the car's open window, my rage flowed as I cursed the young woman who had wronged me. It was over the top. She was terrified. I jumped back in my truck and, wheels squealing, sped out of the gas station. I needed help, but I plowed forward into graduate school, where I displaced my angry energy into getting a degree in public health. But I was so angry (although I didn't realize it), and my wife took the brunt of it every day, for which I am ashamed.

The best way to deal with depression is through counseling and antidepressants. Thankfully, after some thirty years of treatment, I have become quite chill and rarely get angry, although I remain paranoid and anxious at times. I now take duloxetine for my depression along with an antipsychotic, and my depression is very well managed. I am the happiest that I have ever been and rarely, if ever, become angry, although I do become annoyed at times, which is normal. 

Anger comes from many sources, but it's how you deal with it that matters. Burying the anger is the worst thing you can do to yourself, and acting on it is the worst thing you can do to others. Acknowledge your anger and deal with it in a civil manner. If that is not possible, you should seek help. Unlike Edmond Dantes, I did not put my anger to use and let it bring me to the edge of extinction.