How does mania affect one's sexual life?

Part of living with bipolar disorder is the threat of mania or hypomania. One may become hyperfocused and engage in useless behaviors such as spending sprees, or perhaps one becomes paranoid and hypervigilant, losing precious sleep over imagined wrongs. One of the most damaging aspects of a manic episode is hypersexuality, where one sleeps around and seeks ever-increasing sexual stimulation. Eschewing any sort of protection such as condoms, there is the risk of STDs such as HIV, which could be a death sentence. Or you could get someone pregnant, and initiate a cascade of expenses and guilt. 

Left untreated, bipolar disorder can destroy a person and damage those around them. Perhaps ironic is that the medications used to treat bipolar disorder, such as antidepressants and antipsychotics, put a dent in one's sexual drive, which is a problem in itself, except that with treatment, one is likely to engage less in risky sexual activity. I've read of sexual predators who, after taking an SSRI antidepressant such as Prozac, virtually become asexual, which is a good thing for society and the individual. 

I grew up in a very religious household, attending church at least three times a week (Baptist). My parents taught me through their modesty and frigidness that sex was a very bad thing. Even though they never sat me down and gave me a sex talk, their actions, such as turning off the TV when a tampon commercial came on, and their coldness to the subject, along with the teachings of the church regarding purity, fixed in my mind that sex was bad. Like every other teen, though, I felt the desire and hunger for sex, but never acted on it, thinking that I would go to hell. I was a virgin when I was married the first time, and so was my wife. I think back to my honeymoon. The sex was definitely exciting, but neither of us knew what we were doing, and I felt guilty that I had somehow broken a commandment.

It was during a prolonged state of hypomania, when I was yet to be diagnosed and treated, that I cheated on my first wife and lived in a constant state of lust for women. We were already well on our way to divorce, and my indiscretion, which I confessed a year later, sealed the deal. Afterward, my lust continued, and it wasn't until I finally received the medications that I needed that the issue faded away into nothingness, although during the last two years or so of my second marriage, having been diagnosed and treated, my lack of a sexual drive due to the medications caused a rift in the marriage (solidified by my difficult personality) that led to divorce. Thankfully, we remain great friends and work together as a family.

So, the medications to treat bipolar disorder dampen the sex drive, which is good for the patient but not good for the patient's sexual partner(s), even though the overall behavior of the patient leads to a better relationship, but often with a lack of sex. There is no win-win situation if sex is important to a partner or the patient.

Perhaps my grandfather said it best: "Son, think with your big head and not with your little head." That's great advice in general but not always followed, especially by someone in the throes of mania. Personally, I am fine with the sexual side effects of the medications I take. I am happy. I have a job. I have a house. I have a beautiful, although slightly broken, family. With my sex drive at a minimum, I have no desire to hook up with another woman. In fact, since my last divorce some thirteen years ago, I have not been on a single date. Imagine the money I have saved!

For those interested, I have written a story called "The Locker," which is based on my affair that led to my first divorce. The character is not obviously mentally ill, but gives in to his passion on a whim and begins to immediately suffer. The story is on my YouTube channel and is included in my story collection titled "Secret Lives."

If you live with bipolar disorder, you have some hard choices to make. Overall, I think that taking meds is the best approach, regardless of sexual side effects. I am happy, whole, and able to love that much more.